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  • Twenty Ideas on Marriage

    Our society typically devotes huge attention to the start of a marriage - and particularly to the actual wedding ceremony. We’re correct that a great deal of thought is needed somewhere. But it’s the continuation of marriage that is - of course - the real challenge and here we are too often left on our own. This essay is The School of Life’s guide to the rest of a life together, containing twenty central ideas on how to make a relationship work over decades
  • What is Wrong with Your Partner - and Why?

    It sounds deeply unromantic to devote sustained attention to the flaws of one’s partner. We’re supposed  to be merely entranced by all that’s admirable about them. Yet getting a clear-eyed and penetrating view of the failings of the person one shares one’s life with is perhaps the kindest and most love-sustaining thing we can do. This is because the success or failure of a relationship doesn’t hinge on whether another person is flawed: they definitely
  • How are You Difficult to Live with?

    The idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points offensive. Yet fully understanding and readily and graciously admitting to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one is an endurable proposition over the long-term. There are few people more deeply insufferable than those who don’t, at regular intervals, suspect they might be so. We are, all of us,
  • The Importance of Relationship Counselling

    At present relationship counselling is widely seen as a thing you do because you have a bad relationship; it’s an admission of guilt or an announcement of hopelessness. It should rather be understood as a proper and reasonable support for a good enough union. it is the single greatest tool we can make use of to prevent a relationship from falling into an endangered condition.   Relationship counselling works its magic because it is a safe forum in
  • For Moments of Marital Crisis

    There will be times when you will feel very bleak about your marriage. You will wonder why you got married. You will feel you made a disastrous mistake in tying your life to this person. Those moments won’t necessarily last long but they are bound to arise - and we need to be a little prepared.     Here, therefore, are some bits of stiff, kindly consolation for the periods of agony. 1. Everyone when known properly turns out to be
  • The Art of Listening

    Many of us probably have a nagging feeling that we don’t listen enough to other people. Here we’re not going to make the guilt worse by telling you that listening is a good thing, worthy but in fact rather dull. We’re going to show you that listening to others is first and foremost an interesting thing to do, something that could be as pleasurable for you as it is for your speaking companion. And as a result, we try to minimise how much we’refun2

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